Sunday, August 10, 2008

Haikus and hot bun samosas

Yet another brilliantly cold Bangalore sunday morning and i was rudely awakened at seven a.m by a loud polyphonic rendition of 'All i wanna do is find a waaay back intoo luurve'. Sigh. My roomies alarm. She, of course, slumbered peacefully on. Rumblings in my nether regions prompted me to get into my fuzzy slippers, clutch the sunday times firmly under my arm and brave the corriders to reach the only clean bathroom cubicle before anyone else.
I pass by basins testifying to saturday night excesses. Instead of being clogged by the usual dal-chaval-subzi residues of weeknights, more exotic remanents presented themselves. A bit of gobi manchurian, stir fried onion and capsicum bits and even what looked like a cheese burst pizza crust bit. Living it up, the denizens of my hostel.
I settle on the bitterly cold porcelain and rustle my newspaper contentedly. Aaah...tabloids,the sweet sound of the latesht bollywood hits from the tea stall across the road and passing trucks honking in harmony...as 'kabhi kabhi aditi...' blared out, I read all about the new bollywood 'it' couples and how open and bold they were about their relationships as opposed to a generation ago, some woman claiming it was all a marketing gimmick and also about Priyanka Chopras denial. I wonder yet again at the amount of print space wasted and also my inability to ignore the piece. The Great Indian Tabloid Reflex...alas, I too have fallen victim to it.
The next page had an article advocating housework as a means to sexy curves. It also hinted at the hot action following your 'sexy kaamwali bai' act....comments witheld entirely.
I turn to the comics section with relief and as always, Garfield never disappoints, almost making up for the lack of Calvin on sundays.
Back to the room, I make a half hearted attempt to pick up my textbooks and abandon them with an almost indecent relish when i realised I still had (halleluah!) the main paper left. I turn to Shashi Tharoor (who, by the way, is on my list of people-i-actually-want-to-meet-and-worship) talking about Narasimha Rao giving the independence day address in hindi, of which he knew not a word and had to have it written out in kannada script. He celebrates the Indianness of this and revels in the multiculturalism and pluralism of it all. I revel right along with him.

My newly attempted vegetarianism has survived two whole weeks amongst such potholes and traps such as chicken stuffed parathas and the horrors of veggie pizza at the very local 'Stop and Eat Perfect Pitsa Parler (Burgar bun also here)'.
Talking of pizzas, my new junk food fix is the ubiquitous 'bun samosa'.
Perfectly simple to make...grab a couple of burger buns, squash a samosa in between, add some very orange locally made 'ketchup', some diced onions and a large chilly and voila...culinary delight at fifteen rupees wonly!

I move onto my blog trawling, after my daily gofugyourself.celebuzz.com fix, and i went to check out Manvis brilliantly funny blog (http://www.iceqube.blogspot.com/) and found this beautifully evocative haiku :

Too quick to be caught,
Too free to be bought,
A dream, a feather.
Do head over for random rants and killingly funny humour.

Much as i would like to share more minutiae of my sunday, a load of laundry stares accusingly from under the bed where ive hidden it. Off I go to the land of Surf excel Active and the promise of 'No more stains'...happy sunday to you all!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Chocolate Philosophy

One of my many hidden talents happens to be a leaning towards philosophical thought. Though it mostly consists of ruminating while involved in...er...morning activities, the many mind numbingly boring hours spent at the gym has been put to productive use by developing my own brand of philosophy, applicable to dating and relationships and is an answer to the eternal quest of trying to understand men. I call it chocolate philosophy.

The main statement of this philosophy is - 'Men are like chocolate...too much gives you a tummy ache, cavities, diabetes, cholesterol, arteriosclerosis and makes you fat but too little gives you irresistible cravings.'

This statement has been further expanded by me to include the different types of men. They are all like some sort of chocolate.
For instance, the men in my life come under three kinds of chocolate.

The m&m's type - This one is like a packet of m&m's, theres enough for everyone but one person can't have the whole thing. Flirty, commitment phobic, comes in all colours, more girlfriends than I have fingers and toes.

The Bounty type - Seems normal and like an innocent bar of chocolate on the outside, but when you bite into it, you get the yucky coconut part and its there in every bite, leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth.

The Fererro Rocher type - Prickly, nutty and chocolatey on the outside, with a wafer wall which doesn't reveal much but gooey and perfect on the inside. Getting to the inside is the difficult part. The 'Im-one-thing-on-the-outside-but-completely-different-on-the-inside' types. And it comes in this gorgeous golden wrapping too.

Inputs from friends show me there are many more types. For instance,

The Crackle type - Yummy but there are nuts and complications with every bite. Not sustainable long term, too much of an emotional roller coaster.

The Dark Chocolate type - Very intense, very into everything, every small thing is a 'Big-deal', most likely a tortured artist/musician/writer/poet. Sense of humour is usually non-existent. The relationship is usually only for the do-or-die-you-are-my-soulmate types.

Lindt - Very high maintenance, extremely delicious but waay out of most people's budget. For occasional indulgences only.

Kit Kat - Light chocolate layer on the outside, but empty and filled with wafer on the inside. Most likely to be flaky and not very dependable. Breaks easily, to be used for breaks only. Light romance, don't expect anything serious out of it.

The After Eights type - Minty, perfect after a heavy stinky meal (read relationship) when you are recovering. Excellent rebound guy material. But comes on too strong, gets fresh too often.

The Toblerone type - Great initially, but gets stuck in your teeth and takes forever to get out. Most likely to be clingy and needy. It takes all the pleasure out of the relationship. Doesn't let go even after the end.

The Nestle Milkybar type - Too sweet, too nice and proper. Almost makes you sick with the saccharine taste. And too boring too. The quintessential 'nice' guy, the one everyone calls 'anna', whos never had an improper thought in his life. Yawn. Only for the 'we are going to get married and have a dozen kids' types.

Cadburys Dairymilk type - Extremely hard to find - a normal guy without too many complications or issues. Fun, yummy, comfortable, accessible, but slightly mundane in the end. But a good enough find.

The Mars Bars type - My personal favourite, and the guy Ive been looking for. Seems normal on the outside, but deliciously surprising on the inside. Multi-layered, with hard and soft and gooey parts, good enough for you to live on. A little crazy, a little sensible and funny all through.


So which type are you? Which type are the people around you? Do tell.

p.s. The chocolate interpretations are highly influenced by the author's personal tastes and picky nature when it comes to chocolate. But the basic theory remains. Aint i a genius?