Chocolate Philosophy

One of my many hidden talents happens to be a leaning towards philosophical thought. Though it mostly consists of ruminating while involved in...er...morning activities, the many mind numbingly boring hours spent at the gym has been put to productive use by developing my own brand of philosophy, applicable to dating and relationships and is an answer to the eternal quest of trying to understand men. I call it chocolate philosophy.

The main statement of this philosophy is - 'Men are like chocolate...too much gives you a tummy ache, cavities, diabetes, cholesterol, arteriosclerosis and makes you fat but too little gives you irresistible cravings.'

This statement has been further expanded by me to include the different types of men. They are all like some sort of chocolate.
For instance, the men in my life come under three kinds of chocolate.

The m&m's type - This one is like a packet of m&m's, theres enough for everyone but one person can't have the whole thing. Flirty, commitment phobic, comes in all colours, more girlfriends than I have fingers and toes.

The Bounty type - Seems normal and like an innocent bar of chocolate on the outside, but when you bite into it, you get the yucky coconut part and its there in every bite, leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth.

The Fererro Rocher type - Prickly, nutty and chocolatey on the outside, with a wafer wall which doesn't reveal much but gooey and perfect on the inside. Getting to the inside is the difficult part. The 'Im-one-thing-on-the-outside-but-completely-different-on-the-inside' types. And it comes in this gorgeous golden wrapping too.

Inputs from friends show me there are many more types. For instance,

The Crackle type - Yummy but there are nuts and complications with every bite. Not sustainable long term, too much of an emotional roller coaster.

The Dark Chocolate type - Very intense, very into everything, every small thing is a 'Big-deal', most likely a tortured artist/musician/writer/poet. Sense of humour is usually non-existent. The relationship is usually only for the do-or-die-you-are-my-soulmate types.

Lindt - Very high maintenance, extremely delicious but waay out of most people's budget. For occasional indulgences only.

Kit Kat - Light chocolate layer on the outside, but empty and filled with wafer on the inside. Most likely to be flaky and not very dependable. Breaks easily, to be used for breaks only. Light romance, don't expect anything serious out of it.

The After Eights type - Minty, perfect after a heavy stinky meal (read relationship) when you are recovering. Excellent rebound guy material. But comes on too strong, gets fresh too often.

The Toblerone type - Great initially, but gets stuck in your teeth and takes forever to get out. Most likely to be clingy and needy. It takes all the pleasure out of the relationship. Doesn't let go even after the end.

The Nestle Milkybar type - Too sweet, too nice and proper. Almost makes you sick with the saccharine taste. And too boring too. The quintessential 'nice' guy, the one everyone calls 'anna', whos never had an improper thought in his life. Yawn. Only for the 'we are going to get married and have a dozen kids' types.

Cadburys Dairymilk type - Extremely hard to find - a normal guy without too many complications or issues. Fun, yummy, comfortable, accessible, but slightly mundane in the end. But a good enough find.

The Mars Bars type - My personal favourite, and the guy Ive been looking for. Seems normal on the outside, but deliciously surprising on the inside. Multi-layered, with hard and soft and gooey parts, good enough for you to live on. A little crazy, a little sensible and funny all through.


So which type are you? Which type are the people around you? Do tell.

p.s. The chocolate interpretations are highly influenced by the author's personal tastes and picky nature when it comes to chocolate. But the basic theory remains. Aint i a genius?