Going Away

Well...all u loyal readers of this here wonderful blog, im off to dental college in Bangalore...will miss you losers a lot, do watch this space for more mess ups and goof ups. Keep in touch and love you guys

Fat Wars: The initiation

Wars...much has been writen about this topic. Wars have been fought against marauders, to defend home, hearth and country. To defend one's honour. To retrieve people and prizes. For women. For land and for freedom. For tea and spices. Well, for just about everything and against everyone. But a new kind of warfare is on these days. Uve seen trench warfare and guerilla tactics. Uve seen star wars and media wars. Well, make way for...the fat wars...mankind's stand against the flab!!! Now this war is all the more difficult coz of the invisible nature of the enemy. And its omniprescence. Its everywhere!!!

So we have amassed our equipment. Let me take you on a short tour of the arsenal
(no, not the football club).
First, man's version of a long walk minus the scenery (more like minus the pollution and the vehicles and the muggers and beggars and sea of humanity...taking a long walk is as good a way as any to get yourself killed)...the mind numbingly boring Treadmill...30 minutes or more of just walking or running in the same place. Gives you time to think. About what to think about. Trust me, seeing this monster early in the morning can give anyone nightmares.

Then, the cycling machine thingy. We've all seen bridget jones suffer with it. And professional athletes make it look like a causal bike ride on the beach. but believe me, u keep your eyes firmly trained on the blinky thing which shows u the time...ten more minutes...five more...Two..pant pant..more...gasp...minutes...well after that ur too beat to even shout for joy when u reach the prescribed minutes for the day.

Then we have the rowing machine. Perfect way to make you wonder if someone managed to fill your arms with lead while you were going row row row your boat. It looks nothing like a boat by the way. Rather disappointing.

But the villain of the gym, the arch duke of evil machines is unquestionably the EFX, also known as the stairmaster. It is an instrument of torture so hideous tht its ingenious. Apart from the physical torture, the psychological implications of seeing bald-fat-hairy-old man on the machine next to you going at it for half an hour is very demoralising. And you keep going just to not lose face. For those of you who havent seen this machine, it looks like a pair of skis which have been enlarged and fixed to a pair of pulley like wheel thingys.

And then we have the bewildering array of futuristic machines in the weights room which are designed to stretch, tone and work out every conceivable muscle in your body. Its awe inspiring is what it is. Apart from the jump rope and the huge exercise ball and the mat for your floor exercises and not to forget the old fashioned weights.

Every war needs generals to lead from the front, to be every soldiers mother, father, God, best and only friend and their worst nightmare. In this war, the unquestionable generals are the ubiqitous Trainers, those all powerful overlords of the gym, reigning supreme in their little polished wood floored jlo tracks spewing domains. The walk around in their track suited power and be your polite conscience, with the ultimate power to decide if you need an extra set of crunches that day when you tell them exactly what you ate the previous day. Ive seen CEOs and head honchos of huge corporations quail under their accusing stare and agree to an extra five minutes on the treadmill at (gulp) an incline. and suddenly that itty bitty slice of sinful chocolate cake which seemed so innocent, so harmless, now reveals itself to be a calorie trap set up by the enemy, a trojan horse, setting you back in the war effort. And guilty as charged, you trudge off mournfully for another round with the EFX. Its a well known fact that everyone hates their trainers. What makes matters worse is that the trainers are invariably sweet and nice and concerned. Damn them!!

But this is war, ladies and gentlemen. War requires sacrifices. If i dont want to die at age forty of a cardiac arrest because my arteries were clogged due to a lifetime of over indulgence, if i want to fit into my clothes again, if i want people to stop being terribly original by calling me fatty, well...so be it. Ill win or go down fighting. God bless us all.

To Be or To be comdemned for being...?

Recently, I came across a post on someone's blog while i was blog hopping.The author had described in passing that there were some people in her college who advocated equal rights for women as something natural and normal but the same people felt that homosexuality was something horrific. This brought to mind a debate we had in college some time back about whether homosexuality should be legalized. I realise that this is a topic which has probably been discussed ad nauseum, but the very fact that it has been discussed so much is to be wondered at, methinks.

I was rather surprised that some people whom i had considered liberal and rather broadminded in their outlook were vehement in their opposition to the idea. And more so their reasons! some of them were just plain ridiculous.
I get that people dont deal well with things or actions they arent used to or things they consider abnormal. Actions which detract from their comfort zone may make them feel threatened. Thats what we call a culture shock. But to go so far as to outlaw it???? Isnt that taking things too far?

The Indian Penal Code says that sexual practices with someone of the same gender is against the law. It actually outlaws something which most people dont have a control over. whatever happened to equal rights? Doesnt this law go against the very fabric of our democracy?
And when you think about it, a sexual prefrence is all it is. How does it affect other people in any way whatsoever? Ok, someone prefers people of their own sex. Does that make you feel insecure in any way? Is anyone forcing you to participate in acts of homosexuality? and if they do, that comes under rape which happens amonmg heterosexuals also. Being gay is considered an insult, something you mock people with. How many times have you heard people say "He looks so gay!" when they see a flamboyantly dressed man?
Pardon me, but i wasnt aware that your sexual preference had anything to do with your dress sense. If you are assured about your sexuality, then why do u bother so much with people who are different? why do you feel so threatened?
The chief argument one hears against homosexuality is that it is against nature. Gee, omniscient are we? they are there, arent they? Nature created them. And they are present in sufficiently large numbers to prove that its not some freak mutation. And its found even in the animal kingdom. Guppy fish, for example. There were even a pair of gay gorillas in some zoo, though i forget which.

And another common argument is it being against our tradition. Some people have this vague idea that homosexuality is some new fangled thing which is against our culture. That, is total shit. Its been around for as long as people can remember. There are numerous instances in history, legend, myth and even some of our religious texts to show that homosexuality is as old as documented history. And more, it was an accepted part of life then. One story in particular comes to my mind. In ancient Sparta, the warriors were encouraged to be homosexual so they dont go around lusting after women. Why, even the Greek gods showed bisexual tendencies!
The Greek god Apollo once fell in love with a Spartan prince and was greatly enamoured by his beauty. But Zephyr, the west wind, also fell madly in love with him. This chap's name was Hyacinthus. So Apollo and Zephyr battled it out for Hyacinthus' affections and Apollo was chosen. Now, Zephyr was so mad at this that he killed Hyacinthus. Apollo took pity on him and turned him into a water plant and named it Hyacinth.
Theres even ancient Greek and even Indian art which depicts homosexual love scenes (and no, they arent being burnt or tortured).
The Kinsey report which was a survey done by an American scientist, Alfred Kinsey, in the late 1940s and the early 1950s showed that 37% of men and 13% of women have had atleast one sexual encounter. Rather a large amount to be against human nature.

And anyway, like a friend of mine said, just because there are some homosexual people in the world doesnt mean its an epidemic or that its contagious. So any argument that the 'natural' scheme of things would be overturned if these people are allowed to exist is compleetely baseless and downright stupid.
And really, its all the same thing. Its still love and infatuation and passion...just with someone of the same sex. Why shouldnt these people be given an equal oppurtunity to love? why must they be persecuted so much and made to hide to hide their love? Dont you think they might want to go walking hand in hand under a moonlit sky too? Or do you think its just a sexual perversion and such people arent capable of love?

Why should they be condemned for being what they are?

what thinketh you?

The Yellow Brick Road

I know, long time, no post but ive been really busy doing nothing. Nothing ever happens for me to post anyway. Life right now seems like the yellow brick road in the Wizard of Oz.
Im currently overdosed on soaps. Well, soap. I just finished watching season one of one tree hill (yeah, the whole season...a friend of mine loaded it onto my comp coz he was getting bugged with me always complaining about lack of entertainment) and jeez...so much drama! almost drove me mad to tell you the truth. I think i prefer The OC. Atleast i can sit and moralize about them being rich spoilt brats. Aaaah the pleasures of self righteousness!!
Anyway i have decided to make my blog like my online journal since SOME people dont know the meaning of privacy. But never mind that. Studyings getting old, times running out, feel like a convict on the run. The months ahead seem endless. Really like the yellow brick road. Only its grey and terribly boring. Not too much company either. Cant believe there was a time when i had a complicated life and i actually wanted a life where nothing happens. Feel like an old movie star whos been forced into retirement and has only her old movie posters to remind her of her heyday. wow, melodramatic! Afetr many days of annoying cheerfulness, the old depressed-cynical-bored me returns. Where is a drumroll when a girl needs it? Probably off playing for some wooly headed elephant which has managed to dye itself pink. Yeah, go figure.

What i need is some excitement. I tried living vicariously through a friend but shes gone and put her foot down on that. Damn you, woman!!
A good book wouldnt hurt either but i would be eaten up with guilt at all the hours im spending away from my stupid med entrance books. Die, physics, die! I really need to go finish gravitation. Am sure those buggers at CBSE would include a lot of unnecessary questions about why the stupid damn moon stays withthe earth instead of drifting off and crashing into Jupiter. Or some such thing.

Ah ranting gives one such so much satisfaction. I think ill go vent to my journal now and lock it securely (for a change). My grandkids need to know what an angst ridden kid i was. and what a boring life i lead. Ill maybe make some stuff about rampaging rhinos and hordes of wildebeest.
Have this sudden yearning to see The Lion King...In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lions sleep tonight...

Am i a drama queen?

This is in answer to all you idiots who claimed i was a total drama queen. Im not. So there. :p

***You are a Balanced Babe!***
You're direct and to the point, but never dramaticYou've got the confidence to speak your mind to anyoneBut you leave the theatrics to HollywoodLevel headed and emotionally stable, no wonder everyone loves you
Are You a Drama Queen?http://ynr.blogthings.com/areyouadramaqueenquiz/

Off to Never Never Land

I regret to inform my adoring public that due to reasons of insanity (my mom's), i am being sent away to a god-forsaken little tinpot place which i cant even find on a freaking map. Why, you might ask. My mother has her inscrutable reasons but the main one seems to be that im not able to study here so i should go away to some place where there are no distractions and i can study peacefully.
Cant argue with that...no T.V., no computer, barely there electricity....gee, i cant wait.
so miss me and those of you lucky ones who possess my number, please do call as the kind folks at aircel have provided me with free roaming. Pleeeeaaassseeee!!!!!

So until i get back, pray i remain sane.

Love story

One fine day (well, today if u must know), i was looking through some forward some abysmally jobless person had sent me and decided to check out the link given. I was rather surprised when the site kept asking questions like "enter an adjective", "enter the name of a person of the opposite sex", "enter more adjectives", "enter a place","enter your favourite thing to do" and so on and so forth. at the end, i was aske dfor my favourite number and then...ta da...my very own tailor made love story...seems people are too busy to even think of their own fantasies and need a website to do it for them. anyhow, this wasnt exactly what i had expected but it fit in rather well(my adjectives i mean). Here is a copy....


One large and square summer day at urumandapalayam you see the most livid creature you have ever seen. His name is robert de niro , and every move he makes just turns you on more and more. You nudge your best friend anjali and say, "Wow, that has to be the most revolting body I have ever seen." Suddenly, he looks in your direction and starts walking right towards you!!! he says, "I noticed you staring at me from over there. I just had to tell you, that I think you are so ridiculous , and was wondering if you'd like to go to ramnathpuri with me and jump in a dung heap with rampaging elephants ?" With a stupid smile on your face you say, " go fugu " and go with them. When you finally get to ramnathpuri , he moves closer to you, and gives you the biggest kiss ever. The two of you are passionately kissing, when you feel an onion bonda with brownish green fungus hit you on the back of the head. You open your eyes to find out it's all a dream, but there is a note left next to your bed.
It reads: " robert de niro is the love you've been waiting your whole life for. he will ask you out in 7 days or less, but only if you send this e-mail to at least 10 people within the next few minutes. The more people you send it to, the sooner they will ask you out, and you both fall in love. Do not take this lightly, because if you simply ignore this, you will have bad luck in love for the next 7 years!"



since i dont want to have bad luck in love for seven years, in will post the link here....hopefully atleast seven people see this.

www.love.2loop.com

Have fun!

Ode to a dirty pineapple

There are different kinds of french classes, but most people agree that the most profitable kinds are the ones spent in the canteen with a like-minded crazy friend writing crazy poetry....this is the product of one such profitable french class....

Ode to a Dirty Pineapple

Oh Crown of fruits!
Thy spiky green things
Captivate my fluttering heart.
My reason is impaled
Upon those oh-so-sharp spikes.

The hardness of thy heart
May fool the unworthy
The toughness of your hide
May deter the cowardly
But I plough on- chew on, I say
For chewing
is good for the gums.
To reach the sweet juiciness
Of my one true fruit

The cylindricality of thy form
Haunts my dreams
Making me salivate
Upon my Superman Nightshirt

But alas!
The freshness of thy youth
Was snatched away by the maid;
Under the merciless glint
Of the shiny stainless steel kitchen knife
Thy short existence
Was snuffed out;
Like a candle in the wind
And so was my heart

My agony!
When in the morning
I found thy slices
Thrown in the garbage bin
Covered with dirt, grime
And an old banana peel.

Thy once luscious crown
of green, clean, spiny leaves
Now lies rotting under yesterdays potato salad

How I long for a taste
Of thy sweet succulent interior!
One last chew is all I ask!

But those days are gone now.
They will never be.
Now you are king of another realm
Where I cannot follow yet.
( As I am not a fruit,
And I am not dead)

But as the wise say,
"Move on, chum!
Find yourself another fruit!"
And to the neighbourhood fruit market I go
Battle through the ravaging crowds
And then I see……The Apple!!!