Who is the toilet monster

Well ive had a lot of queries about the great and mysterious toilet monster so i shall give all you ignorant people a brief history.

The toilet monster is a monster. A legendary monster. One which hides in the pot and reaches out to grab your gluteal muscle (the butt for the uniniated) when you least expect it...
The legend of the toilet monster has been passed down form generation to generation, especially by nasty cousins who scare the living daylights out of their younger, four year old, extremely impressionable cousins who already have overactive imaginations and who then become so petrified of the loo that they refuse to go anywhere near it and are consequently whacked by their mothers.
Not that it happened to me.
Legends abound about the origin of the toilet monster...experts dont agree on any one version of his origin but we do have conclusive evidence that he can split himself up into a million, gazzillion entities and enter each and every one of our toilets...the one place where we thought we would have some peace....
MY favorite legend is the one which puts the toilet monster as a victim..an innocent victim of fate...who really cudnt help becoming the monster...
It all started on this dark rainy night decades ago when the pot was first invented. It was one of those nights which was filled with headless horsemen, evil pumpkins with glowing eyes, howling dogs and the like. and of course howling wind, window panes banging, trees swaying and a looot of unaccountable shadows. And a huge spooky house which lies in a filled in swamp with creaky doors, loong staircases with rotting wooden floors and cobwebby ceilings. The kind of house where anything can happen. And of course a full moon. and michael jackson lookalikes running around. all nice and happy.

And in that scary house there lived this lonely little boy who had no friends. His name was...um...Toolitomonsotoer...yea...thats it..Toolitomonsotoer. Go figure. His parents were...um...uh...believers of going slightly off the beaten track.
but yea....he was stila very lonely little boy who had no friends to play with...none of the mothers for miles around wud send their kids to play with that weird boy with the weird name in that huge, spooky weird house. Not that it stopped the kids...they wud come regularly to throw stones at the house..at the eerie windows which always had cobwebs sticking to it. And the servants were all spooky too..they were all either escaped convicts or on a rehab program from the local asylum. The butler was a useless shit too...he didnt have any style or panache like Lurch..or Jeeves even...he was a useless night school dropout who was whiling away his time at the spooky house.

And so Toolitomonsotoer was a very unhappy boy. His parents were never around for him...they spent all their time in the top secret lab under the house, where they cut up people and tried to attach wings to lizards and made copious amounts of chemical X. And they also invented the pot so they were trying to get it accepted by the public and assure them that the shit wudnt suddenly come shooting out and wud actually go away down the drain. they also headed a secret organisation which wud later go on to plunder and terrorise the world...it was called The Plumbers Association and they were a worldwide order who took training on how to squeeze people for the maximum money possible. And so they never had any time for poor little Toolitomonsotoer.

So poor Toolitomonsotoer spent most of his time in his favorite room in the house...the bathroom. Back then they used to name all the rooms...stuff like green room and blue room and john galt room...the bathroom was named after their great great grand uncle, Loo Looney...Loo for short (the name kinda stuck).
Toolitomonsotoer used to pretend tht there was an imaginary friend hiding in the pot who would talk to him...who actually liked him and would share oatmeal cookies with him...this thought made Toolitomonsotoer so happy that he spent more and more of his time in the Loo.
So much so that he began to believe that his imaginary friend actually existed...and that he would one day come out of the bathroom and scare away the kids who were always picking on him..and his imaginary friend said...of course i will..ill munch on them for breakfast and make sure they never bother you again.

And Toolitomonsotoer was so happy to hear that. He then wished that every lonely kid in the world had a friend like his...especially the weird ones.....the world aint kind to weird kids.
Those who dont fit in coz they have weird names, hairstyles, clothes not with it, study too much, dnt do drugs, dnt smoke or have wierd and embarassing parents....the shy ones, the stutterers and stammerers of the world...kids who think differently...those who are afraid to stand up for themselves...these are the kids who are always picked on..and they are the lonely ones....

But there was a slight problem with this plan...the fact that this friend of his existed only in his imagination. so wat Toolitomonsotoer did..he decided to wait till he grew up...grown ups always seemed to know wat to do.
So he waited and waited till he grew up. But he was still a lonely adult.
One day, he sneaked down to the top secret lab downstairs when his parents were too stoned to notice what was going on. And there he saw the new prototype of the pot which was to be replicated and go to all the houses in the world. then a really tragic thing happened...he did something involving a beetles head, a lizards wing, the liver of the butler(good riddance) and loads of chemical X....and boom...Toolitomonsotoer became his imaginary friend...he was able to get into toilets the world over and teach those nasty kids a lesson.
He then changed his name to the toilet monster...numerology you see.

The toilet monster will be around as long as there are sad and lonely kids, desperate for a friend....coz u see thats the magic which keeps the toilet monster alive.
The toilet monster is visible only to kids..when they grow up, they stop believing in him...he goes away then. But wherever there is a sad or lonely kid who needs a friend or a nasty kid who neeeds a lesson, you can be sure the toilet monster will be there.
The toilet monster and i became good friends. And we still are good friends. He never disappeared for me....i was a lonely kid while growing up.
The reason he is still with me is coz i still believe...and you never forget your friends...and maybe inside, im still the same old lonely kid i was....I still need my friend the toilet monster to make those nasty kids who pick on me go away.

Well thats the story....hope you kids liked it!!!!



DISCLAIMER : ALL EVENTS, PEOPLE, MONSTERS AND PLACES ARE ENTIRELY A WORK OF THE AUTHOR'S OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION. ANY RESMBELENCE TO PEOPLE,MONSTERS,NAMES,ETC AND ALL THAT JAZZ IS PURELY CO-INCIDENTAL. AND NO ANJALI IM NOT GOING CRAZY AND I DONT HAVE AN IMAGINARY FRIEND!!!! IT IS A WORK OF FICTION...FICTION!!!!!!